After years and years of sitting in dark rooms, scrubbing people’s faces and patiently explaining that, yes, washing your face is non-negotiable if you want better skin, I gave up and switched to being a full time waxer. Facials and skincare require a zen calm that I do not possess. Genitals are much more my speed.
The subject of skincare occasionally comes up with friends and clients and I am still stupefied by the lack of knowledge that perfectly sensible women have. So I’m going to share with you the most basic of skincare rules, the non-negotiable musts in order to stay youthful and dewey as long as possible.
1. Wear Your Motherfuckin’ Sunscreen
Seriously. It’s not hard. Don’t whine and tell me that your make-up has SPF 15 in it because that doesn’t count. Why? Because you should be slapping on a minimum of SPF 30 DAILY. Your sunscreen needs to protect you from UVB and UVA rays so you need one that has either zinc oxide or titanium dioxide. Your make-up doesn’t have either of those in it generally. It’s not going to kill you to find a face sunscreen and use it before you put on your make-up. A good rule of thumb is to go by thickness when applying your facial products. Serum goes on first, moisturizer second and sunscreen last.
Even in winter, when some of us don’t see the sun for months, we are still being hit with UVA rays. Those rays are responsible for cancer and aging the skin. So don’t slack on it just because it’s cloudy. Working inside all day is no excuse either, you can get sun damage while driving, walking or biking to work. Don’t forget your neck and chest too.
So just put some on!!
2. Take Care Of Your Hands
Madonna looks great for a fifty something year old broad. Demi Moore does too. Then you look at their hands and knees. No matter how much botox and plastic surgery you get, your hands will tell your true age.
So guess what? Put sunscreen on them! All that time you spend driving around with your hands on the steering wheel is time that those pesky UVA rays are gleefully creating future liver spots on your skin. Keep some sunscreen in your car for that reason! Moisturizing is key as well, obviously.
3. Learn How To Properly Cleanse Your Face
Most the time we slap on some cleanser, moosh it around for thirty seconds and then splash it off with hot water. Shockingly, that doesn’t remove even half of the crap on your face. Therefore, you’re still going to bed with a dirty face and whatever product you put on afterwards isn’t able to do it’s full job because there’s a layer of make-up and grime sitting between it and your skin.
First off, figure out the proper cleanser for your skin. I usually have a creamy one and a foaming one. When my face is more dry I’ll go creamy, when I’m oily and breaking out I grab the foaming kind. There are also amazing treatment cleansers out there that can be used twice a week to kick your skin’s ass into clarity.
Next, cleanse thoroughly. Start with a damp face and massage in your cleanser of choice. Do this for a full minute, count in your head. Then remove the cleanser with a wet washcloth or cotton rounds. This way you’re actually removing the make-up. Once you see how much comes off on the cloth you’ll be amazed. A second cleanse is a good idea if you wear a fair amount of make-up.
Last, use a non alcohol based toner to swipe up any remaining grime and then apply your night moisturizer.
4. Wash Your Pillowcase
On the subject on the cleanliness, your pillowcase is nasty. You drunkenly sleep in your make-up on it. You drool on it, yes, yes you do. Your dog sleeps on it. You cat rubs it’s ass on it. You fling it on the floor while having wild, dirty sex. That shit is covered in nasty. And you put your clean face on it and snuggle in.
Clean your phone screen while you’re at it.
5. Speaking Of Sleeping…
Photo by Messtor
We’ve all woken up with creases in our faces from sleeping hard, face down with a fist jammed up under our chin. Think about the wear and tear that will cause over the next 30 years. Be nicer to your body when you sleep. My massage therapist told me to train myself to sleep on my back. I haven’t been able to master that but I am more conscience of the stress I put on my limbs and skin while sleeping.
Don’t want that accordion boob crease down the middle of your chest like your mom? Then quit sleeping on your side with your arms squished together. Try sleeping on your side with your outside shoulder and arm relaxed with your arm resting on your hip. It unsquishes the chest area and you don’t wake up with soon to be irreversible vertical wrinkles there.
Be aware of your face as well. Try not to mash it into your pillow. Some girls suggest satin pillow cases as anti-aging secrets. Personally I haven’t had one since I was 7. It was purple and my tiny head kept sliding off it so I eventually made it into a dress for my cat. But hey, whatever works for you.
These are my most simple skincare tips. There are far more in depth things you can do but if you’re like me, shallow yet lazy, then this is the bare minimum you should be doing.